Jul 09
BLAME.
No one likes being blamed – For things they’ve done, or for the things they didn’t do. For things they have done but thought was right, or for things they didn’t do because they thought it was wrong. For things they know was right but did wrongly, or for things they did even though they knew was wrong…
Problem is, the notion of blame is inevitable. It is only human to sometimes put the wrong on others to feel better about oneself. Fuck part about blame? – The consequences after it. The heal, the mending or sometimes the rot after all these blame.
Upon thinking thoroughly through about it (as i have nothing to do in the office), i decided to classify blame into its different dimensions.
Intended Blame:
This is obviously the most common in the many facets of life. Between couples, parents & children, between friends, even strangers:
‘If you’ve fixed the bloody heater on time, I wouldn’t have to shower in the cold’
‘If you’ve not been out all day, you would have finished your homework’
‘if you’ve put in more effort at work, your boss would have promoted you instead of John’
‘If you’ve reached earlier, we would have caught the bus on time’
Unintended Blame:
They are more actions than words – Stomping your feet out of the room; slamming the door; turning your back on your love ones; complaining about your husband/ wife to your best friend. All these, although without intently putting a blame on the other party, precipitate the same emotion or sentiments.
Self-Blame:
How many times have you heard the statement ‘It’s not your fault’ after an accident/incident which were totally unpredictable . Honestly, are you the one to be blamed or not is besides the point. Point right now is about the things you’ve done, which may have caused harm, though unintended, to people involved. You can’t help but to feel the sense of profound indebtedness to the person, especially so if he/she is somebody you love and care for so deeply. It is the pain you solicit from the unfortunate event, not really the guilt of causing what has happened. It is the love for the someone, and not because of what caused it.
You can’t escape from blame, no one can. It is how you steel yourself amidst all these pain you’ve caused. To heal, to mend & to say sorry.
